How To Raise A Montessori Baby?

3. Acknowledge and welcome all their feelings

This is difficult when they are infants because it feels like the only way they communicate is by crying. And crying is assumed to be bad and we have to make it stop. This is a natural impulse we all have – to make the crying stop. But we need to adopt a new mindset.

Think about how you would want someone to react to you when you cry (or express any emotion). I would want someone to first acknowledge that I’m crying and then inquire (not assume) as to why. Then (after they’ve ruled out any obvious issues) I might want them to just hold me a little while I get it all out.

Another aspect of welcoming your baby’s feelings means being okay with their feelings of anger, sadness, or disagreement. You might feel uncomfortable when your baby cries but shouldn’t shy away from doing something that might make them unhappy. This practice will come in handy when they approach toddlerhood. If you have to go to the bathroom and you know that this will not be welcomed by your baby, you still have to go. You will acknowledge and empathize with their disapproval but you’re not going to avoid going to the bathroom altogether.

4. Encourage them on their journey towards independence

By not doing everything for them

Offer them space and support to do things for themselves. I remember when my son was about 4 months old, he would become very frustrated when his toy would fall out of his hand and he would immediately look to me to get it for him. After reading Your Self-Confident Baby by Magda Gerber, I looked for areas where I could do less and give my son a chance to help himself. This was it.

Every time he became frustrated, I would acknowledge and empathize with him:

“Oh, I see your toy fell. You seem a bit frustrated. Can you get it back? It’s lying next to your arm. Can you reach it? Almost! Let me know if you need help.”

I did this a couple of times before noticing that he became less frustrated and started reaching for things first before signaling to me that he needed help. By simply changing my reaction, I helped my son discover his ability to help himself while communicating to him that I thought he was capable and that he wasn’t alone.

By encouraging exploration

The best way to do this is by setting up the environment so they can explore safely without us hovering nervously above them or jumping up to move breakables away. This might send the message that the world is a dangerous place so better not venture too far away. This is why we create a ‘Yes Space’ (a term coined by Janet Lansbury). In the Montessori philosophy, this would be referred to as Freedom within Limits.

By giving them the freedom to choose

Allow your child to choose their toys and how to play with them. We all mean well but we are robbing children of their own successes and failures when we interject all the time. By doing this, we are letting them know that our ideas are better and doubt their abilities to have fun without our input.

Allow your child to choose when they are hungry and when they are full. Breaking news – healthy babies will tell you when they are hungry – you don’t need a clock to tell you. Trust that your baby knows (better than you) when they have had enough to eat. This should obviously carry on into toddlerhood. Children will never starve themselves but when we interfere they stop listening to their bodies and develop an unhealthy relationship with food.

5. Allow them freedom of movement

You first need to know that humans develop optimally (physically) when their bodies are allowed the full range of motion and to move as much as possible. We can make sure that we are offering our babies the best chance of doing this by placing them on their backs on a flat surface whenever we can.

This means not placing them in positions where their full range of motion is hindered. Even when they are sleeping. Think about all the gadgets created to hold babies…I could have saved myself a lot of time (searching for the perfect bouncer) and money had I known all of this ahead of time.

Another way we can make sure our babies have the freedom to move is to not place them in positions they couldn’t get into (and out of) by themselves. This includes tummy time, sitting them up, propping newborns up on nursing pillows, etc. This is very much tied in with showing your baby respect.

Movement can also be hindered by clothing. Usually, what looks cute is not comfortable for your baby. Make sure you place a priority on comfort by sticking to basic cotton onesies (footless is even better). Natural fibers are more breathable – helping your baby regulate their body temperature.

6. Take the time to observe

If you haven’t already noticed, observation is one of the cornerstones of the Montessori method. It is used to inform us (the guide or the parent) on how we should respond/act. Because we follow the child in Montessori – we need to first establish what they need so we can respond or act appropriately. The only way to do this is by spending time observing your child. You will be surprised how much you miss when you are slightly preoccupied with other thoughts or tasks.

Your baby is communicating in a very subtle way and if we jump to conclusions, we miss what they are trying to tell us. This leads to frustration (due to miscommunication) for both parties.

To give you an example, it might look something like this: your baby is crying and you assume they are hungry, but when you take a second to pause and observe, you notice that they are tugging on their nappy. They are letting you know that they are uncomfortable or something of that nature. Taking the second or two to acknowledge, (I hear you crying, are you perhaps hungry?) and observe (Oh I see, it looks like you are tugging at your nappy) then respond accordingly (Are you uncomfortable? Let’s check what it might be).