A floor bed is an essential item in every Montessori child’s bedroom. My son has successfully transitioned from a crib to his floor bed at 16 months and I feel compelled to share the 5 steps that helped us through this transition.
- Step 1: Keep your expectations realistic.
- Step 2: Get into the right frame of mind
- Step 3: Inform your child in advance of any upcoming change
- Step 4: Invite them to share their thoughts and feelings
- Step 5: Acknowledge and accept all of their feelings that follow
These 5 steps are not limited to transitioning to a new place to sleep. They can be applied to any period of change. This article is for those of you who are about to embark on any type of transition with your child.
The Five Steps for Transitioning to a Montessori Floor bed
After reading about other people’s experiences with transitioning to floor beds I realized how anxious we all are as parents about forthcoming changes in our children’s environment. Why are we so nervous about it?
Do we lack confidence and conviction in our actions due to poor tools of communication or are we so scared we will ‘do it wrong’ that it causes deep self-doubt? Perhaps we are so sleep deprived that the thought of messing with our sleep frightens us into a state of panic. I suspect it might be all of the above.
Whatever your problem may be, these 5 steps will help you through any transitional period with your child.
Step 1: Keep your expectations realistic
Knowing what is age-appropriate behavior for a child is paramount to ensuring you have realistic expectations before you start veering off the expected path. If you expect your child to protest it will likely not worry or upset you when it happens.
Children are indeed very adaptable but that doesn’t mean that it’s easy for them to change on a dime or that they should be expected to constantly adapt to our way of doing things. Any transition is quite hard for a young child.
Expect your child to protest. This could be in the form of limit-pushing, patience-testing or just feeling more fragile emotionally. This is normal and healthy behavior.
To understand why this is we have to take a walk in their shoes. They are constantly experiencing developmental change. So much so that It would make our heads spin. This means they desperately need an anchor in the outside world to counteract what must feel like spinning out of control. They need the outside to stay constant while their insides are constantly undergoing a transition.
Any kind of predictable routine serves as a helpful stabilizer for a toddler. This is why they become quite dependent on what they are used to which is why they will find any type of change difficult to deal with.
Step 2: Get into the right frame of mind
Sleep seems to be a very contentious subject for most of us. We have either very positive or very negative feelings towards sleep due to our conditioning. You might not even be consciously aware of them but they reveal themselves when we speak about sleep.
Whatever your feelings are surrounding sleep – your child will inevitably pick up on them and it will have a marked influence on how they end up feeling about sleep.
Make sure you have a positive attitude towards sleep. Sleep is something we look forward to. It’s healthy and restorative and necessary. You might want to use the word rest instead of sleep. Instead of saying you have to go to sleep, you could say it’s time to rest.
Another important tweak to your mindset would be to believe that your child is capable of going through this difficult time. If you doubt your child’s abilities they will doubt themselves. Whatever your beliefs are about your child becomes self-fulfilled prophecies.
Young children are capable of handling change but we have to be empathetic towards them and anticipate that they will struggle at the beginning. We can help them successfully adjust to a new way of doing things if we provide them with an adequate amount of support while transitioning.
When you are in the right mindset you will make the right decisions.
Step 3: Inform your child in advance of any upcoming change
Speak to your child as soon as you know that a change is approaching. Talk to them honestly and let them know what you do know and what you don’t.
It might sound something like this – ‘I know you have been sleeping in your cot but we were thinking of moving you to a new bed on the floor. I don’t know what it will be like for you but we are going to make sure that you are comfortable and safe in your new bed.’
Be careful not to sugarcoat the process by telling them it will be easy and that everything is going to be great. What if it isn’t? They need to know that some things are unknown but that we will deal with them when they arise. Feeling unsure of a new situation is normal but eventually, we feel better about it.
Please try not to patronize your child by ‘selling’ them on this new venture. I have seen so many books that try and sell this idea of a big boy/girl bed and it honestly only alerts a child to the fact that you have a hidden agenda. It also makes it difficult for a child to share their feelings with you, especially if they are negative, in fear of disappointing you or not being a ‘big girl/boy.
Just be honest. You can say something like ‘Mom and Dad feel that this will be good for you because you will have more freedom to move around and get out of bed on your own when you wake up’.
Step 4: Invite them to share their thoughts and feelings
After you have had an honest discussion you should let your child know that you are interested in their thoughts and feelings on the matter. They might not have any initial thoughts or feelings but keep talking about it and keep asking them what they think and feel.
Step 5: Acknowledge and accept all of their feelings that follow
Acknowledge their feelings whether it is anger or sadness by mirroring what it is you see and truly empathizing with them. Don’t be tempted to try and fix them. Just accept them in that difficult and uncomfortable moment.
Help your child know that their feelings are normal and expected and that you are capable of dealing with all of it. Their anger or frustration doesn’t upset you. You sympathize with them.
Limit the behavior but always allow feelings.
Children who are ‘acting out’ are letting you know that they feel uncomfortable about certain thoughts or feelings that they are having. It is up to us to clearly and confidently set the limit.
We let them know that we don’t want them to do x,y, or z (kick the cat/throw the rock/scream in my ear). Children are aware of the rules but they feel compelled to do x, y, and z. This is where you let them know that you understand that they are having a hard time and that you will help them stop.
When you show your child that you are on their side it can help them deal with whatever is causing the behavior a lot quicker. They can feel what they need to feel and release it. If they feel that you are not on their side, it will just intensify the fear and unease they are already experiencing which only compounds the problem.
When is the right time to transition to a floor bed?
Where you start out sleeping and when you decide to make the transition is not important. There is no right or wrong time but there are times that might be more difficult than others.
Here are a few questions you can ask yourself to help you determine whether or not it’s the best time for your child.
- Is my child currently undergoing any major developmental or environmental changes?
- Are they currently experiencing separation anxiety?
- Have they just started walking?
- Are they transitioning from two naps to one?
All of these developmental changes will add another layer of difficulty to the process. If you know your child is already going through a difficult time due to some developmental transition you might want to consider postponing the transition to the floor bed.
The only time I would say to disregard this is for teething since it is an ongoing journey.
My son just started sleeping on his floor bed during his day naps when it became obvious that he was in the process of dropping his second nap. I decided to postpone the transition until he had settled into his new sleeping schedule. It wasn’t long after he dropped the second nap that he started walking which triggered severe separation anxiety. So again, we waited for the storm to pass. I am very happy that we did.
Montessori Floor bed Do’s And Don’ts
- Make sure the mattress isn’t too thick (too high off the ground)
- Make use of a bumper fitted underneath the sheet that will prevent your child from rolling off the edge of the mattress.
- Place your mattress against a wall and use a bumper against the wall.
- Involve them in the process of selecting the bed/bedding/setting it up.
- Take steps to make the room safe for your child.
- Provide a Light source that they can control. You can also use a night light that you leave on.
- Make it cozy and spend time doing positive activities on the bed like reading books together.
- First, introduce the bed during daytime naps only until they seem comfortable with the bed and the novelty has somewhat worn off.
- Keep the rest of your bedtime routine the same.
- Reconsider your use of a sleep sack – it contradicts the freedom of movement goal and could prove to be dangerous for a mobile baby or toddler.
- Use a Baby monitor to listen or look in.
- Put a baby gate on the door if you need to leave it open.
What are the benefits of having a floor bed?
It’s interesting to think that the customs we consider to be so normal are relatively new inventions. Cots for babies are one of these new-ish customs that came about due to drafty old Victorian homes without heating. Before cots, babies and children slept on the floor.
There are several obvious benefits to having a floor bed but I would like to start by discussing the long-lasting kind. The developmental benefits are less obvious.
Freedom of movement
Children learn by exploring their environment. Having a bed that they can get in and out of without any assistance is invaluable and helps to foster a feeling of independence. It opens up new possibilities for exploration and discovery and to satisfy their curiosity. None of which is possible if you are stuck in a cage.
I don’t remember what it was like to sleep in a cot but I wouldn’t want to sleep somewhere where I knew I couldn’t get out when I wanted to. The restriction alone would bother me. Even if I didn’t want to leave my bed.
Similarly, I know I appreciate having a bed I can go and rest on without having to ask someone else to help me.
Respect
It is respectful to consider someone’s individual needs and this applies to our children as well. When we arrange our children’s bedrooms on their level, it lets them know that we respect their needs. This level of respect leads to a feeling of empowerment for a child.
Freedom of choice
Having a say in your own life is powerful and children are not often given this opportunity. They have to go where we want to go and eat what we say they must eat. Not having a sense of autonomy is usually the main cause of children feeling frustrated and angry.
Giving your child the opportunity to at least wake up feeling free and empowered and somewhat independent seems like the least we can do.
