I have learned firsthand how beneficial a consistent routine is at home for infants and toddlers. Let me show you how you can create the perfect Montessori-friendly routine at home using 7 essential elements.
Each of these key elements is a valuable piece of the puzzle that will help you piece together a routine that not only serves your child but keeps you sane. I will show you how to plan and implement your ideal Montessori-friendly routine with your toddler at home.
How to implement a Montessori-friendly routine with your toddler at home
Before we get into discussing each of these elements, I want you to understand what the motivation is for implementing routines in the first place.
What is the difference between a routine and a schedule?
A schedule is a written plan based on the time and is followed to the last minute. A routine is based on habit. It doesn’t have to be planned every day or even written down because it follows the same sequence. Routine is knowing what comes next where a schedule is just fitting activities into a specific time frame.
Schedules are necessary for fitting in meetings or appointments. You might follow a strict schedule when you want to avoid being late. The use of schedules is helpful when using trains and busses but not for children.
Routines on the other hand are little rituals that we build over time. Rituals that have a purpose. Rituals that allow us to reach our goals however big or small. Routines are extremely beneficial for all of us but even more so for young children who are still learning about the world and its place in it.
7 Essential Elements of a successful toddler routine
“One of the first essentials for any adult who wishes to help small children is to learn to respect the different rhythm of their lives instead of trying to speed it up, in the vain hope of making it synchronize with ours.”
E. M. Standing, Maria Montessori, Her Life and Work
1. A consistent bedtime and adequate sleep
We all know that quality sleep is essential for a young child’s wellbeing and that a well-rested child is generally happier and easier to live with. Unfortunately, you cannot make someone sleep. You can however create a suitable environment that promotes sleep as well as a routine that signals to the brain that it’s time to slow down. This is the purpose of a bedtime routine.
- Have a consistent bedtime based on your child’s natural rhythm.
- Create a calm environment where sleep can easily happen. Pay attention to light, noise, and anything too distracting.
- Avoid screens altogether.
- Have relaxing activities in your routine like taking a bath and reading a book
- Make sure that you are unrushed. Give your child 100 percent of your attention.
2. Enjoyable Mealtime Rituals
Make mealtimes a pleasurable experience filled with rituals and time spent together. Mealtime should never feel forced or rushed. The main purpose is not to make your child eat either. It’s to spend time together while building a positive relationship with food.
Mealtimes are a sensorial delight for young children and they especially enjoy the rules that accompany mealtimes.
I
have also written this article about ground rules and setting limits.
Some helpful rules around mealtimes:
- To sit at the table while eating. You can let them know that they can get up when they are done eating and that you will take the plate to the kitchen. When they get up (which they will do to test out this hypothesis) you can say matter-of-factly, Oh I see you are done eating, I will take your plate to the kitchen.
- The same goes for throwing food or tipping over cups. Part of the predictability for them is knowing what is expected of them during mealtimes. It helps if your child is not in a high chair but rather using a low weaning table and chair. It’s amazing how this element changes the dynamic and the behavior around mealtime. Children seem to be less inclined to throw food when they can get up by themselves.
Encourage your toddler to take part in the process by helping you prepare the meal, setting the table, or just cleaning their table. There are so many ways to do this with even the youngest toddler.
The majority of a child’s free time should be spent playing. Playing is how children learn and it is vitally important that they get to choose how they play. Playtime is not the parent’s job to create or facilitate. Your responsibility is to provide a safe environment and age-appropriate play objects and that is where it ends.
When your child is allowed to be in charge of their play they feel empowered and are far less likely to try and wrangle you into entertaining them. You are telling them that you have confidence in their ability to be the star and director of the show.
Children who are constantly entertained and ‘played with’ are getting the opposite message. Always keep the ball in their court. You are just there for support and to enjoy watching them at play.
3. Self-directed Play
Enjoying nature is mutually beneficial for you and your child. No one walks away from time spent outdoors feeling worse than when they arrived. As the old saying goes – there is no such thing as bad weather, just inappropriate clothing. Just 30 minutes outside could be great to shift the energy if necessary. I especially enjoy going out during the last hour before the evening routine starts to end the day on a high note.
4. Ample Time Spent Outdoors
Everything in nature is interesting and stimulating to a child. The textures and sounds, the sunlight, and the leaves rustling in the breeze. And on top of experiencing the rich sensorial world, they also get a healthy dose of Vitamin D.
5. Gross Motor Movement Activities
Asking a toddler to sit still is pretty much like asking them to stop breathing. They are compelled to move so help them do just that. Apart from the obvious exercise – moving also helps young children get rid of any built-up stresses. You can build movement into your routine while outside or while indoors. Just turn on some music and dance.
Please read my article about Movement and it’s importance in child development.
6. Care of Self Rituals
Self-care rituals are not only necessary for hygiene reasons but they are part of building independence in children. It doesn’t hurt that it relieves you of some of the duties. Prepare the environment according to what your child can do for themselves and keep tweaking as their level of skill increases with time. This will require a bit of observation on your part as well as some trial and error.
- Brushing teeth
- Using the toilet
- Washing hands
- Washing faces
- Brushing hair
- Wiping and blowing noses
- Getting dressed
- Making the bed
What are the benefits of implementing routines with children?
Following a consistent routine increases a child’s capacity to learn
We all suffer from fear of the unknown and so much of the world is unknown to a child. When we are stuck in that fear we have no choice but to enter survival mode. Fight or flight. It is very unlikely that any learning will take place while in this state.
When you know what to expect, however, things look very different. Instead of being stuck in fear you can adequately prepare yourself for whatever is coming up. You can even look forward to an event. Now you are in the right mindset for learning. Secure and calm.
Routines create this predictability for children. They quickly learn what precedes each activity and this is not only comforting for them but truly empowering.
“Being exposed to circumstances we cannot anticipate nor understand, and in which we cannot actively participate, makes us feel helpless, like riding on a perpetual merry-go-round. Anticipating a change, on the other hand, gives us a feeling of being prepared, of being in control,” – Magda Gerber
Routine creates space for freedom
Discipline is the key to freedom and independence. When you don’t have to think about doing all the things that need doing every day – because they are built into your routines – you free up your mind for more creative and fun endeavors.
A predictable routine leads to an independent and self-assured child
Children find it hard to cope with constant changes in the environment. They struggle because they have no control over where they have to go, what they have to do, and when they have to do it. They are already experiencing so much upheaval in terms of their development so when this is mirrored in their external world it causes anxiety and feeling out of control.
Having a routine counteracts this by providing a child with a certain level of control because they can predict what will come next. They appreciate a little predictability. It might sound boring to you but it is the cornerstone of an emotionally balanced child.
Children who have a reliable routine grow up to be more adaptable to change
This contradicts what most people would expect but when you place yourself in a child’s shoes and see the world through their eyes you will quickly come to learn that a reliable routine forms a necessary foundation on which you can build long-lasting confidence. Adaptability requires confidence. You have to trust your abilities enough to know that you can handle change to be okay with it. Being thrown into the deep end does not result in confidence.
Routines create more cooperation and fewer power struggles
When you have a routine that has become a habit for your child, you rarely have to become the nagging parent who has to inform the child hourly on what is expected of them.
Young children love order and ritual and will gladly comply. This means you are free from engaging in a battle of wills with your child because they won’t feel like you are forcing them to do things that they don’t want to do. Brushing teeth can be an enjoyable ritual if it is preceded by a song and followed by a bedtime story.
Children (people) feel more cooperative when they are not being bossed around.
Having a consistent routine will give parents the opportunity to meet their own needs
Being a parent who looks after a toddler all day long can be exhausting. I know. Even when everything is rosy it is still messy and mentally exhausting. Now imagine not knowing when they are going to take a nap.
If you didn’t know when you would have an opportunity to regain your strength you would feel at the end of your rope all the time. So the opposite is true for knowing that every day at 11 my child will take a nap of 2 hours. When you know what is next you can be more prepared which means you will feel less frazzled and more calm and organized.
7 Tips to help you implement your toddler routine successfully
1. Include transitional cues
Always let your child know what is coming next and give them a little head’s up a couple of minutes before the change needs to happen. Like before getting out of the bath. Having a 5-minute reminder helps your child prepare mentally for what comes next.
2. Try using some Montessori routine cards
These are simply cards that depict each step of a routine individually. They can be illustrated cards or photos of your child performing the activity. Then we can arrange the cards in the correct sequence and place them in several areas of the home where your child can easily see them. You can also give them the cards to play with and construct their own routine or perhaps use them as a memory game – which card comes after eating lunch?
if you don’t want to make your own, you can download the cutest cards from Simone Davies’ site The Montessori Notebook. Here’s a link to her beautiful routine cards.
3. Be patient and adaptable
Your routine won’t be a complete a – z from day one. Allow your child to add their little rituals to your routine. These might occur spontaneously or by request. Either way, this will only further endear them to the process by showing them that they are included in the process.
Your routine will also require some tweaking here and there to make room for your child’s growing independence and mastering of new skills. The ‘bones’ of your routine will remain the same while the details might change.
4, Use songs and rhymes
Use songs and rhymes to mark certain activities or to signal transition. This will help make the activity memorable as well as enjoyable. You can get creative and make up your own songs for setting the table, tidying up, going to the bathroom – whatever takes your fancy. The song or rhyme could also serve to remind your child about how to do something – like how to put on their jacket or how to set the table.
5. Make use of the Montessori Three Hour work cycle
This becomes more important for the 3-6 year age group but younger toddlers can also benefit.
6. Prepare the environment
Set your home up for independence so your child can help themselves where possible. Have certain items accessible like cleaning up materials, cutlery and crockery, a wardrobe that your child can access, and a self-care station.
7. Don’t get too hung up on the time
Try to practice being present in the moment and only use clock time as a general rule of thumb. You can work around having the nap time and bedtimes locked in and then be flexible with everything in between.
Our daily routine with R at 17 months
After R wakes up in the morning, he cuddles and plays in mom and dad’s bed until we have the energy to get up. Next, we change his nappy and he reads some books with dad while I take a shower and throw on some clothes. He loves nursery rhymes at the moment and already has his favorites.
When I’m all dressed and ready I take R to his room to play while I quickly fold and pack away his laundry. He likes helping me (un)pack his shoes and nappies in his wardrobe.
Next up is breakfast and coffee for mom & dad. R requests bananas and strawberries every morning and sits at his weaning table to eat while we inhale our coffee. It’s usually about 7 am at this stage.
After R has finished his first breakfast and half of my smoothie, he just plays in the living room for about 2 hours while my husband and I do house chores, business-related tasks, or whatever needs to be done (We live on a farm).
His Montessori shelf is set up in our living room along with his bookcase and a few other open-ended toys and practical life items. We close off the living room so he can’t venture into the bedrooms/bathrooms but he can go outside into the courtyard.
During this time R will help hang out laundry and water plants – basically, just whatever I’m doing. He has recently become very interested in the dishwasher and likes to ‘sort’ the clean cutlery in the drawer while I unpack the rest of the clean dishes. He also likes fitting dirty cutlery into the basket.
We usually have music playing during the morning and R loves dancing and will regularly request a specific song and either a dance with mom or dad.
At around 9 R usually has another nappy change and we head outdoors for a walk. R visits the chickens and loves picking up little treasures along the way (mostly rocks and flowers).
When we get back home we have another breakfast. This time R sits with us at the table (in his highchair) while he eats his oats and berries. There’s usually time for 30 minutes of playing or reading before we head off to bed for a nap at around 11 am.
He usually sleeps for about 2 hours. This is when I do my work. I try to not do any chores during this time. I only do work that I can’t do when R is awake – work where I need to concentrate.
After his nap, he gets changed and cleaned up and we go outside for a little while before lunch. R loves looking for the dogs or watching the birds and feeding the fish in the pond.
After lunch, he has another 2 hours of self-directed play. He likes to play in our courtyard during this time where he has his sandpit set up. I also plan any arts and crafts or water play during this period. On hot summer days, we will all go for a swim in the pool.
At around 5 pm R will have supper and afterward, he will ‘help’ mom and dad tidy up the living room. Then we fetch his pajamas and get ready for bath time and bedtime. He is usually fast asleep at 18:30.
Good night!
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