When I compare myself to others it rarely makes me feel good about myself. Even though I know it’s not helpful I needed to understand why I was doing it so I could finally STOP comparing myself to others. I totally recommend it!
Here’s all the information you need to finally overcome this toxic habit.
Why do we compare ourselves to others?
Overall, the causes of comparison can be complex and multifaceted and may vary from person to person. It’s important to understand the underlying factors that contribute to this behavior in order to develop strategies for managing it and cultivating a healthier mindset.
The tendency to compare oneself to others is a common human behavior that can have various underlying causes. Some of the potential causes include:
Social conditioning
From a young age, many people are taught to measure their worth and success based on external factors such as grades, appearance, and accomplishments. This can create a habit of constantly comparing oneself to others as a way of evaluating one’s own value.
Insecurity
People who struggle with self-esteem and confidence may be more likely to compare themselves to others as a way of seeking validation and reassurance. This can create a cycle of negative self-talk and self-doubt.
Fear of rejection
People who fear rejection or failure may compare themselves to others in order to minimize the risk of being judged or criticized. This can create a tendency to play it safe and avoid taking risks, which can limit personal growth and creative expression.
Unfulfilled expectations
When people have high expectations for themselves and feel that they are not meeting those expectations, they may compare themselves to others who they perceive as more successful or accomplished. This can create feelings of inadequacy and a sense of being “behind” or “less than” others.
Perfectionism
Many creative professionals strive for perfection in their work, and this mindset can lead to self-doubt and self-criticism. When they see others’ work that they perceive as better than their own, they may feel inadequate and start to question their abilities.
Social comparison theory
This theory suggests that humans have a natural tendency to compare themselves to others in order to evaluate their own abilities and performance. When creative professionals see others who are more successful, they may feel inferior and start to question their own worth and value.
Fear of failure
Creative professionals often put themselves on the line with their work and may fear failure or rejection. When they see others who are more successful, they may feel that their own work is not good enough and may be afraid to take risks or put themselves out there.
Imposter syndrome
This is a psychological pattern where individuals doubt their own accomplishments and feel like a fraud, even when there is evidence of their success. Creative professionals may experience imposter syndrome when they see others who they perceive as more successful, leading to self-doubt and a lack of confidence in their abilities.
Overall, comparing oneself to others can be a natural and sometimes helpful way to evaluate one’s own abilities and performance, but it can also lead to negative feelings and self-doubt. It’s important for creative professionals to recognize their own strengths and accomplishments and focus on their own progress and growth, rather than constantly comparing themselves to others.
What are the effects of constantly comparing yourself or your work with others?
Comparing yourself to others can have a number of negative effects on your mental and emotional well-being. Here are some of the potential negative effects:
Low self-esteem
When you constantly compare yourself to others, it can lead to feelings of inadequacy and low self-esteem. You may start to believe that you are not good enough or that you will never measure up to others.
Anxiety and stress
Comparing yourself to others can also lead to feelings of anxiety and stress. You may worry about how you stack up against others, and this can cause you to feel anxious and stressed.
Negative self-talk
When you compare yourself to others, you may engage in negative self-talk. You may be overly critical of yourself and focus on your flaws and weaknesses.
Lack of motivation
Comparing yourself to others can also lead to a lack of motivation. You may feel discouraged or overwhelmed by the achievements of others, and this can make it difficult to focus on your goals and aspirations.
Jealousy and resentment
When you compare yourself to others, you may start to feel jealous or resentful of their achievements. This can strain relationships and make it difficult to celebrate the success of others.
Procrastination
Comparing yourself to others can also lead to procrastination. You may feel intimidated or overwhelmed by the success of others, and this can make it difficult to take action toward your own goals.
Overall, comparing yourself to others can have a negative impact on your mental and emotional well-being, and can make it difficult to achieve your own goals and aspirations. It’s important to cultivate a mindset of self-acceptance and focus on your own unique strengths and talents.
What the ‘pros’ have to say about our need to compare and strategies to move past it
Mel Robbins, a motivational speaker, and best-selling author, has spoken extensively about the negative effects of comparison on our mental and emotional well-being. She believes that comparing ourselves to others is one of the most damaging things we can do to our self-esteem and confidence.
According to Robbins, the problem with comparison is that we tend to focus on what we don’t have or what we’re not doing, rather than on what we do have and what we are doing. This can create feelings of inadequacy and a sense of being “less than” others. Moreover, social media has exacerbated this problem by giving us constant access to images and posts that make it seem like everyone else is living a more exciting or successful life.
Robbins suggests that instead of comparing ourselves to others, we should focus on our own journey and progress. She encourages people to set their own goals and work towards them, rather than trying to measure up to someone else’s standards. She also emphasizes the importance of self-compassion, acknowledging that everyone makes mistakes and has flaws.
In short, Robbins believes that comparison can be a toxic habit that undermines our self-worth and happiness. To overcome this tendency, we need to shift our focus away from others and towards our own growth and self-improvement.
Julia Cameron, an author and artist who is best known for her book “The Artist’s Way,” has written extensively on the topic of creativity and the creative process. She has spoken about the negative effects of comparing oneself to others, particularly for artists.
Cameron believes that comparing oneself to others is a form of self-sabotage that can stifle creativity and prevent artists from reaching their full potential. She argues that when artists focus on what others are doing, they are not fully present in their own work and are not able to tap into their own unique vision and voice.
Instead, Cameron suggests that artists should focus on their own process and trust their own instincts. She encourages artists to let go of the need for external validation and to embrace their own creativity, even if it looks different from what others are doing.
Cameron also emphasizes the importance of what she calls “creative recovery,” which involves overcoming the negative self-talk and limiting beliefs that can hold us back from expressing ourselves fully. By cultivating a sense of self-acceptance and compassion, artists can create from a place of authenticity and joy, rather than from a place of comparison and self-doubt.
Gay Hendricks, a psychologist, author, and expert in personal growth and relationships, has written about the issue of comparison in his book “The Big Leap”. He describes the tendency to compare oneself to others as an example of what he calls an “upper limit problem,” which is a self-imposed limit on one’s own potential for success and happiness.
Hendricks believes that comparison is a symptom of an underlying fear of greatness, which can cause people to hold themselves back from achieving their full potential. He suggests that the key to overcoming this fear is to focus on one’s own unique abilities and gifts, rather than trying to measure up to external standards.
According to Hendricks, comparison can be particularly detrimental to creative professionals, as it can stifle their creativity and limit their ability to innovate and take risks. He emphasizes the importance of cultivating a mindset of abundance, rather than scarcity, and encourages artists to trust in their own creative process and embrace their unique perspective.
He also emphasizes the importance of self-awareness in overcoming the tendency to compare oneself to others. He suggests that by becoming more aware of one’s own limiting beliefs and thought patterns, people can begin to challenge them and replace them with more positive and empowering thoughts.
Stephen Covey, the author of the best-selling book ‘The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People’ has written about the issue of comparison in the context of personal growth and leadership.
Covey suggests that the tendency to compare oneself to others is a natural human behavior that can be both positive and negative. On the positive side, comparison can serve as a motivator for self-improvement and growth. When we see someone else achieving a goal or success, it can inspire us to strive for similar accomplishments.
However, Covey warns that when we compare ourselves to others in a negative way, it can be damaging to our self-esteem and sense of self-worth. He suggests that this type of comparison stems from a scarcity mindset, where we believe that there is a limited amount of success or recognition available and that others’ achievements somehow diminish our own.
Covey encourages a shift towards an abundance mentality, where we believe that there is enough success and recognition to go around and that other people’s achievements do not diminish our own. He emphasizes the importance of focusing on our own unique strengths and talents, rather than trying to compete with others.
Covey also suggests that the key to overcoming the negative effects of comparison is to cultivate a sense of self-awareness and self-acceptance. By recognizing and accepting our own limitations and strengths, we can avoid falling into the trap of comparing ourselves to others and instead focus on our own personal growth and development.
How to stop comparing yourself to others?
Here is a step-by-step list of exercises and practices that can help you address your struggle with comparison:
Step 1. Develop self-awareness
The first step in addressing the tendency to compare oneself to others is to develop self-awareness. This involves paying attention to your thoughts and emotions, and noticing when you are engaging in comparison. When you notice yourself comparing yourself to others, try to identify what triggers this behavior.
Journaling Exercise: Write down any instances where you caught yourself comparing yourself to others. Try to identify what triggered the comparison and how it made you feel.
Step 2. Challenge negative thoughts
When you notice negative thoughts or beliefs that are fueling your tendency to compare yourself to others, try to challenge them. Ask yourself if these thoughts are based on reality, or if they are just assumptions or limiting beliefs that are holding you back.
Journaling Exercise: Write down any negative thoughts or beliefs that come up when you compare yourself to others. Then, challenge each one by asking yourself if it is based on reality or just a limiting belief.
Step 3. Practice gratitude
Focusing on what you are grateful for can help shift your mindset from one of scarcity to one of abundance. Make a habit of listing things that you are grateful for each day, no matter how small they may seem.
Journaling Exercise: Write down three things you are grateful for each day. These can be anything from having a roof over your head to a small act of kindness someone did for you.
Step 4. Cultivate self-compassion
Be kind and compassionate with yourself when you notice yourself comparing yourself to others. Remember that everyone has their own unique journey and struggles, and it’s okay to make mistakes or fall short of your own expectations.
Journaling Exercise: Write a letter to yourself as if you were speaking to a close friend who was struggling with comparison. Write down words of encouragement and support.
Step 5. Focus on your own progress
Instead of comparing yourself to others, focus on your own progress and growth. Set goals for yourself that are based on your own values and priorities, and celebrate your achievements along the way.
Journaling Exercise: Write down your personal values and priorities. Then, set three goals for yourself that align with these values and priorities. Write down specific actions you can take to work towards these goals.
Step 6. Practice mindfulness
Mindfulness can help you stay present in the moment and reduce feelings of stress and anxiety. Make a habit of practicing mindfulness exercises, such as deep breathing or meditation, to help you stay grounded and focused on your own journey.
Journaling Exercise: Write down any mindfulness exercises that work well for you. Make a commitment to practice these exercises for at least five minutes each day.
By incorporating these practices and exercises into your daily routine, you can begin to address your struggle with comparison and cultivate a healthier mindset. Remember that changing deeply ingrained thought patterns and behaviors take time and patience, so be kind and compassionate with yourself throughout the process.